New Delhi, Nov 7 “I felt as if a knife had been plunged right into my heart,” says Sonia Gandhi of the moment when Rajiv Gandhi told her that he had been asked to be sworn in as the prime minister on the day his mother and then PM Indira Gandhi had been assassinated.
When she begged him not to take the prime minister’s post as it would put his life at risk, Rajiv replied, “They will kill me anyway.”
This and many more defining moments are narrated in Sonia Gandhi’s upcoming memoir – ‘Belonging: A Journey of Love’, published by HarperCollins India and set to hit the stands on November 10.
According to an edited extract from the book published by the British daily, The Guardian, Sonia Gandhi narrates the events of the fateful day on October 31, 1984, when then PM Indira Gandhi was assassinated by her own bodyguards at her 1, Safdarjung Road residence.
“I return to my room as my mother-in-law leaves for her office in the building adjacent to our home. I am about to start my bath when I hear a series of explosions, as of firecrackers, but different. I freeze.
“Someone comes pounding frantically on my bathroom door. It is Ongmu, the children’s nanny, crying hysterically. I fling open the door, my heart thumping. She is gesticulating wildly, speechlessly, towards the garden,” the former Congress chief says.
“I run along the path leading to Akbar Road. I see the white Ambassador car slowly moving towards the same path. I hesitate. I stop, heart in my mouth. Dread, panic, fear. I feel suffocated. I can’t breathe. I am about to collapse. No, no, I can’t. I have to walk to the car. I see her being carried into it. I understand; I scream,” says Sonia Gandhi in the book, according to the edited extract.
“I’m in the car now, crouching on the floor, facing her. Blood, blood on her sari, blood on her chest. Her large eyes are wide open; her face wears a surprised expression. She doesn’t move. I attempt to speak to her, to call out, ‘Mummy, Mummy’, but no word comes out. I try again; she doesn’t reply,” Sonia Gandhi narrates the harrowing moments of the assassination.
She says Indira’s aides were in the front of the car, screaming, and in heavy, slow traffic, the car barely moved.
The car had no siren and faced one red light, then another, she recalls.
“Then the hospital. The gate isn’t opening. Chaos. We are stopped; someone looks through the window in a questioning attitude. They let us in. We reach the emergency department, teeming with people. We are stopped again, not allowed in; we have to wait for our turn. Someone calls out to the driver, signals him to move forward. They identify us; she is placed on a trolley. We are led somewhere, an operation theatre? They ask me to follow. I’m taken to a room nearby. No, no, I want to stay by her, I insist. I want to know. I have to see. They don’t reply; they are immersed in their emergency procedures,” Sonia Gandhi says.
“I feel confused, lost; I don’t recognise anyone there. I’m shivering under my dressing gown. I feel scared, my mind is racing. Where is Rajiv? I try to remember. I can’t, I can’t. The children, yes, they’re in school; they must be brought home. Oh God, no, no. Let them be safe, let Rajiv be safe. Whom do I tell, whom do I speak to?” she says.
Sonia recalls that hours go by with more people coming in and crowding around. She signalled a question to the doctor; he shakes his head.
“I understand, yes, I understand. I break into sobs, uncontrollably. Someone tries to calm me. I feel numb, cold. At two in the afternoon of 31 October 1984, Indira Gandhi was declared dead. I was driven home to collect some clothes for her body to be changed into. On the way, a group of men tried to stop our car, banging on its windows. They were angry, shouting something I couldn’t understand,” she says, according to the edited extract.
Gandhi also recalled that at home, the children, Rahul and Priyanka, rushed into her arms in tears.
“When they had been abruptly picked up from school by black-uniformed commandos, they sensed a catastrophe. Once home, they saw some of the staff sobbing. They asked question after question. ‘Where’s Mama?’ ‘Why have we been brought home?’ ‘Where’s Papa?’ ‘What’s happened?’ ‘Where’s Dadi?’ ‘You aren’t telling us the truth!'” Sonia Gandhi says.
Her friends Nina and Sterre had been with the children, trying to calm them down, not knowing what to say to them, according to the book.
“I wanted to sit with them and hug them, to break the news to them gently, but I was unable to; I had to go back; Rajiv was coming to the hospital,” she says.
Sonia recalls that Rajiv had been in West Bengal at a political rally when his cavalcade was stopped by a police patrol, and he was told there was a message from Delhi to say he should rush back; a serious accident had taken place.
Rajiv was driven to the helipad, from where he flew to Calcutta and then to Delhi, and he had heard on a BBC bulletin that Mrs Gandhi was wounded and in a grave condition, according to the book.
“Nobody told him directly that his mother was no more, but he understood,” Sonia Gandhi says in the book.
Rajiv Gandhi landed at 3.30 pm and was driven straight to the hospital and he walked in with other people.
“I remember longing to be left alone with him for a moment at least. We held each other, and as he spoke to me, it sunk in that he was saying something I didn’t want to hear. ‘I have been asked; They want me to be sworn in as prime minister.
“I felt as if a knife had been plunged right into my heart. I felt a pounding in my chest, a rage welling up deep inside me. I was about to explode. I attempted to hold it in.
“You have been asked to? How dare they ask? How dare they? Who are they? Why you, why does it have to be you? Why did you allow them to ask you? No, it cannot be; this time it’s not going to be!’ Seized by utter pain and anguish, soaked in perspiration, I felt like throwing up. I wanted to scream, to ask for help. ‘Someone please help me put an end to this’,” Sonia Gandhi writes in her memoir.
She said she burst out crying and pleaded and begged Rajiv Gandhi with folded hands.
“No, no, you can’t think of it. You have to stop them, you must refuse, you must say no, for the children’s sake, for yourself. You can’t do this to us. They will kill you; they will kill you, too!’ I cried out. He replied, ‘They will kill me anyway, ‘ she says.
The memoir recounts her marriage to Rajiv Gandhi and her introduction to her mother-in-law, former prime minister Indira Gandhi, as well as her efforts to adjust to life in India, including learning Hindi, wearing saris and adapting to Indian food and culture.
It covers the major tragedies that affected the Gandhi family, including the death of Sanjay Gandhi in a plane crash in 1980, Indira Gandhi’s assassination in 1984 and Rajiv Gandhi’s assassination in 1991.
(PTI News)
